So you want to build a new
Please review these pitfalls
If Noah lived in the United States today and God
spoke to Noah and
"In one year, I am going
to make it rain and cover the whole earth
with water until all is
destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous
people and two of every kind
of living thing on the earth.
Therefore I am commanding you
to build an ark."
In a flash of lighting,
God delivered the specifications for the ark. In
fear and trembling,
Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark.
"Remember, said God, "You must complete
the ark and bring everything
aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud
covered the earth and all the
seas of the earth went into a tumult.
God saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping.
"Noah," He shouted,
"where is the ark?"
"God, please forgive me!"
cried Noah. "I did my best, but there
were big problems.
First, I had to get a permit for construction and
your plans did not
comply with the codes.
I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the
plans. Then I got
into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the
ark needed a fire sprinkler
system and flotation devices.
Then my neighbors objected, claiming I was
ordinances by building the ark in my front yard,
so I had to get a variance
from the city planning commission.
I had problems getting enough wood for the
ark, because there was a ban
on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owls.
I finally convinced the US Forest Service that I
needed the wood to
save owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service
won't let me catch any
owls. So, sorry no owls.
The carpenters formed a union and went out on
strike. I had to negotiate
a settlement with the National Labor Union.
Now I have 16 carpenters on the ark, but still no
owls. When I
started rounding up the other animals, I got sued
by the animal rights
group. They objected to me taking two of each
Just when I got the
suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not
complete the ark without
filing an environmental impact statement on your
They didn't take very kindly to the idea that
they had no jurisdiction over
the conduct of the Creator of the Universe.
Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map
of the proposed
flood plan. So, I sent them a globe.
Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint
filed with the Equal Employment
Opportunity Commission that I am practicing
discrimination by not taking
godless, unbelieving people aboard!
The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm
building the Ark in
preparation to flee the country to avoid paying
I just got a notice from the state that I owe
them some kind
of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a
"recreational water craft."
Finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an
further construction of the Ark, saying that
since God is flooding the
earth, it is a religious event and therefore,
unconstitutional. I really
don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or
6 years!" Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine
and the seas began to
A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up
hopefully. "You mean
you are not going to destroy the earth,
"No," said God sadly. "I don't
have to. The federal government
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